drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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