I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
