Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
