So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i think my cat just said my name.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
