By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
