I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
