PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
