He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
