either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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