so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
