so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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