I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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