dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
