shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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