I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
