Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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