If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
