Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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