Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
