you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
