Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
