I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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