Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
is it fun? or sober?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
