Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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