I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
