Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
