a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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