Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
