You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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