The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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