Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
