My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
