I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
