Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
