So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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