You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
