you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
