wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
