My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
