Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
