why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
