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To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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