Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
