i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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