I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We left the knife in your bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
