I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
