Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
