I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
