my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
