she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
