Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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