So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
