When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
