Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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