Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
