Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
