Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
