I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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